How to Convince Your Spouse to Get on Board

My husband is the spender and I am the saver. If you decided to read this post, you’re probably the saver in your relationship too. It can be a challenge to persuade your significant other to a new way of handling finances. However, it surely can be done. Here are the techniques I used to get Mr. BLWAB on board with our current plan to financial freedom.

Talk About Your Goals

If you are already married, then you probably (hopefully) already talk about what you both would like to have/do in the future. But maybe y’all never put a dollar figure or even a time frame on those goals.

I sat down with Mr. BLWAB a year or so ago and put everything we both wanted on paper with the cost and date. It was an exhaustive list, but some of the highlights were his SUV for ~$29,000 (12/2019), a down payment on a house of $20,000 (1/2020), paying off my car and student loans which totaled ~$36,00 at that time (3/2019), and all with an emergency fund of 3-6 months still in the bank.

It’s one thing to just say you want something; but it makes it real when you put a dollar amount with it. With an amount and a date, you can actually set smaller goals and start thinking about how much you need to save every week. This makes your spender spouse think twice before spending money on things that they don’t really need.

Consider Their Perspective

If you are a low key control freak like me, you might come up with a financial plan and just want to tell them that this is how it needs to be done. But that’s only going to cause resentment. After explaining what you think would be the best approach, see what they think and make sure the final decision is something you BOTH can live with. They will be more invested if it’s a plan that they helped come up with rather than one that was just pushed upon them. Relationships require compromise, folks.

Don’t be Overbearing

I made the mistake in the beginning of questioning everything Mr. BLWAB spent (so I could record it on the budget spreadsheet). I would check our bank account every night and update the transactions. If it wasn’t clear what the purchase was based off the description in the account, I would ask him. However, that almost made him not want to continue with our financial plan because he felt like he had to answer to me about everything.

I actually wasn’t concerned with what he spent his fun money on; I just wanted our expense tracking to be accurate. So I just chucked up those purchases to his fun money and when he saw how that hurt the tracking process, he started sharing what he purchased without me asking.

To make sure your partner doesn’t jump ship due to you being overbearing (whether intentional or not), make the process as easy as possible for them. If you feel like they won’t update the budget themselves, you can use a budgeting app that automatically categorizes transactions or use the cash method where they have their fun money in cash so they can spend it on whatever they want without you worrying about capturing that data. This could even be done with a separate bank account if they prefer to carry a card and not cash.

It’s Not Easy, But It Is Possible

After creating and following our plan, the fruits of our labor started showing in our bank account. My husband gradually started to embrace the saver mentality as his own and we started knocking out our goals. It took some time to get to that point – A lot of discussions and compromising … A LOT. But the important part is that you both come up with a plan to achieve your money goals and have open communication while it’s being followed.